he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
