Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
