Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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