my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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