So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
