hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
