her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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