i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
