My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Drunk is a universal language darling
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