I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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