Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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