Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
