My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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