An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
