Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
