So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
