This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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