last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
ttyl tear gas
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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