he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
