Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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