just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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