it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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