I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
