Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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