I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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