# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
