Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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