Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
