I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i think i have two assholes
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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