Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
