And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
