No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
