I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
