Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
