Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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