why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
