just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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