I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
