He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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