im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
