oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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