Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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