The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
