You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
