So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
