pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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