Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
