Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
