What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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