That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
