my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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