I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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