I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
everyone is single if you try hard enough
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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