Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
