First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
