I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
