it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
